just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
