Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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