my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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