I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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