....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
