I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
