Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
