he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Randomize
