My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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