bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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