Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize