Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
