found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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