Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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