there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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