My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
