I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Acid is not a monday night drug
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
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Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
as a side note pls kill me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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