Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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