you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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