he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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