A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
