She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
