i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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