Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
