I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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