yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
