i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
