We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My ass is underappreciated
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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