found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
