and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize