i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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