Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Randomize
