I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am available for nakedness
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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