Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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