she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
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you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
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the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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