I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
