she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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