Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
