I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we made out on top of his cat.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
