if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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