i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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