Your mouth is God's brothel.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
