is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
