I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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