Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
