I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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