Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
