I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
