he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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