It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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