Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
