this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
