hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
