Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
