I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
