So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
