Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
