If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he thought i was a dude.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
