You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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