Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
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I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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