i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
