hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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