i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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