I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
