She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
