So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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